The Untouchable Woman

These are the characteristics of the Untouchable Woman. She:

  • is beautiful. Naturally. Even—especially—without makeup and not dressed up.
  • knows she is beautiful.
  • is confident.
  • is self-reliant.
  • is bold and passionate.
  • enjoys life, she smiles and laughs a lot.
  • is involved in life. She works, plays, travels.
  • likes to get things done. Manages a lot of responsibilities and can handle “grown-up” responsibilities.
  • typically has a job while in high school. She does great at her job.
  • knows an uncommon number of people, but has a small number of close, enduring friends.
  • often has difficulty letting people “in”. This is one of her weaknesses.
  • is human. She makes mistakes, has fears and weaknesses, and needs encouragement like the rest of us… though she might dislike feeling weak.
  • is usually single, and is comfortable being single, even though she enjoys romance.
  • is independent. She is never “boy crazy” and doesn’t need anyone for her self-esteem. All of which is intimidating for most men.
  • knows the ache of loneliness. But usually can drown it with busyness or substances. This is one of her struggles. She will need to be honest about this or the loneliness and what she uses to drown it can build up and overwhelm her at some point later in life.
  • protects herself. She has known pain early. And her response has been to protect her heart and be self-reliant.
  • is surprisingly open. She will talk and listen to anyone, guy or girl. This is one way she is different from the “merely” attractive, vain, bitchy girl.
  • will turn down most guys (those brave enough to ask)—but will do so politely.
  • is rare. The Untouchable Woman is typically 1 in 300 women.
  • is recognizable as remarkable early in life, and recognizable as Untouchable by at least 17 years old.
  • is intelligent. School comes easy to her because she is able to see, think, focus, and get things done.

As with everyone, her traits work in concert to make her the person she is.

The only man good enough for the Untouchable Woman is the Unattainable Man. The confident, handsome man of purpose and action; the man who seems unattainable to most girls.

The Untouchable Woman might fall for a skilled lothario, but regular, average men are simply not good enough for her. She will talk to all of them, befriend some of them, go have fun with groups of them. But she will not fall for any of them. She deserves—and will only be attracted to—genuinely bold, confident, purposeful men. Such men are equally rare: perhaps 1 in 300 men. Those who try to fake it, with useless bravado or arrogance or selfishness, need not apply.

Because the Untouchable Woman and the Unattainable Man are so rare, it is even rarer that they would meet. Should these two meet, they will not need each other, but they will be attracted to each other. A long-term, intimate relationship will be tricky, however. They will need more than attraction to bind them together because they each have no shortage of people attracted to them and working to win their hearts. They will need love.

Furthermore, they both tend to have purpose or goals (the Unattainable Man more often than the Untouchable Woman, who is often unsure of what she wants, longterm), and their need to accomplish goals will almost always outweigh their minimal need for romance. They will need love.

Another obstacle to romance for these two is that the Untouchable Woman guards her heart vigilantly. She has been hurt and seen hurt and wants to avoid it. She will be very slow to give her heart away. A man deserving of her will need to stay the course.

It might help them to keep in mind that there are two kinds of “find”. There is “I lost my keys, but I searched for them and found them.” And there is “I was walking along, and I found a $20 bill.” So it is with finding a partner. There is “I crave a romantic relationship, so I looked for someone to date me.” And there is “I was pursuing my dreams, heading in a specific direction, when I came across someone heading the same direction.” It is this second one that works best for the Untouchable Woman and the Unattainable Man.

Should these two meet and fall in love, it is a cosmic event… one that does not happen for each Untouchable Woman or Unattainable Man. This union is near-mythological; it is distinctive (the couple gets a lot of stares), powerful (the couple inspire, encourage, challenge each other to do great things), and it produces beautiful children.

The Untouchable Woman is a gift. Talk to her, befriend her, emulate her, partner with her.

And, if you are an Unattainable Man, win her heart. And do great things together.

Hemingway, as always, seems fitting:

Cross-reference: My three posts on The Power of Vulnerability

Also, for reasons unknown, I thought of An Almost Made Up Poem by Charles Bukowski.

you knew famous artists
and most of them were your lovers…
it’s all right, go ahead, enter their lives,
I’m not jealous because we’d never met.

and, of course, what you found out
is that the famous are worried about their fame ––
not the beautiful young girl in bed with them

you were one of the best female poets
and I told the publishers,  editors, “her, print her,

she’s mad but she’s magic
there’s no lie in her fire.”
I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches,

only writes to, keeps little photographs of.
I would have loved you more if I had sat in a small room
rolling a cigarette and listened to you piss in the bathroom,
but that didn’t happen.
your letters got sadder.

your lovers betrayed you.
kid, I wrote back, all lovers betray.

Writing note: What you read above is the 18th draft.



  1. Wow… by the eighteenth draft, you have forged a powerful, deeply inspiring piece that touches the heart. Such wisdom and insight for a young man; one who values both woman and man and sees their highest potential. I loved every word that you wrote and copied this sentence to encourage those who simply wait… “And there is “I was pursuing my dreams, heading in a specific direction, when I came across someone heading the same direction.” It is this second one that works best for the Untouchable Woman and the Unattainable Man.”

    Thank you, son, this is beautiful.

      1. Not a bit, anymore 🙂 Thank you so much… If I seem a little slow on the uptake, some days I take a break from schoolwork and my computer!!

  2. Maybe women like that are just selfish,shallow and basically asexual? They obsess on their looks and status, playing games. They spend their youth playing with the boys and doing great in their careers, then end up old baggy alcoholics at the fertility clinic ot therapists office. Men who want aloof too-good-for-them women have poor self esteem and fear intimacy. Wake up.

  3. This was one of the truest statements I have ever read about, regarding, well – everything expressed about this type of attraction above… I too am attracted in a bittersweet way to my own unattainable love. Folks in this very unique and unattainable category are _fierce_ about how they live their lives, and are extremely, extremely rare. As well as being extremely sexy… rawr…

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