The Silent Male

I reject the notion of the silent male.

I have yet to encounter, in the tens of thousands of people that I’ve met, a man who is silent due to wisdom and intention. Of the men I’ve met who don’t talk much, most do so because they are incapable of expressing their thoughts and feelings, the rest do it to control or hurt those around them. It is possible to talk too much (regardless of gender). But even that is only a problem if the talk is idle or cruel.

The silent male as hero is mythology and only happens in movies and country music.

Indeed, the song, “You Say It Best When You Say Nothing At All” became a hit on three different occasions. (The story behind the song suggests that the message was unintentional — that is, it was not about being silent but about how the songwriters were having trouble writing a song, that is, saying something.*) However, while it is possible to convey a message without speaking, you still have to be aware of the message you are conveying.

You say it best when you say it.

More life-saving and life-giving is this message: “Say what you need to say. It’s better to say too much than to never to say what you need to say.” (Mayer, John. “Say.” Continuum. Aware, 2007.)

Here’s the thing (that we all know, but few live): No one gets a second chance at a day, or a decade, much less a life. There is nothing more important than saying what you ought to say. Tell people what you need, tell people what you want, tell people what you feel and what you think, tell all the secrets that torment or stunt, apologize and give forgiveness.

Mistakes and misunderstandings, that can be cleared with communication, cause pain and bitterness that can last an entire life.

You and I know people whose entire lives have been ruined / affected by something not said — because a secret has been held, because what was in the heart was held, against its will. ‘Something unsaid’ is a common plot in movies, shows, novels, songs. This cliche theme serves as a continual reminder to say what we need to say.

If you don’t know how to say what’s in your heart and mind… I’m not sure how else to say this: grow up. How old are you?

If you withhold your feelings to control people and situations… grow up. How old are you?

I hate to be so abrupt, but what are you waiting for? When were you planing on maturing? At 70? 80? There is no reason to put off maturing.

You don’t even need to wait until your issues are resolved or healed. You can simply start speaking.

(* Check out the story behind Sara Bareilles’ “Love Story”)


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