A non-hands-on, angry-then-indifferent review of Windows 8. Metro. Windows Phone. Whatever.

Some tech pundits that I admire like Windows 8/Metro (whatever!), so maybe it is OK. Good, even.

At least, with Metro, Microsoft didn’t just blatantly copy Apple (surprising!*). It looks like Microsoft really tried to make a unique, useful product. But every time (every time!) I look at a picture or video of Metro, I feel blinding rage.

Why is there half a word or box or screen sneaking onto the screen? Why can’t I just have what I want to look at on the screen? Did I not get all the way into the screen I wanted? Scroll this way. Scroll that way. Swipe in from all four edges of the screen! Each edge contains a different prize!

Look out! Giant, primary-color squares. And rectangles. All different sizes. Where do I look? Whoa! Now one of them is doing something. Ahhh! Another is doing something. Why are they different colors? Why are they doing something? There is a word peeking onto the screen. Swipe… more boxes! Seizure!

Worse**, why is there so much text on the screen? There’s text everywhere. Every button, text box, menu, app, window, etc is laden with text. There’s thin font text all over. Boxes and text! Every screen requires a great deal of attention. I worry that the only way you’ll use it is by getting used to using it (which is the Windows works! Argh!) Said another way: could a child pick it up and use it? Could a person pick it up for the first time and use it?

Have all the companies that copy Apple not learned anything from Apple? Make things simple. Of course the old adage is true: “Easy is hard. Hard is primitive.” Making things easy to use is very difficult. But, still. I know that Microsoft has a ton of brilliant people there. I assume other companies have brilliant people, too. Perhaps who is at the helm affects the details more than one would think. I don’t know.

At least Windows 8/Phone/Metro/Not-Aero is more simple and coherent than Windows 1.01-Vista. At least MS is trying and taking a brave (for them) step.

So, whatever. I’m glad Metro exists. But I’m glad I don’t have to use it. I hope MS can keep evolving this product in good ways.

* Come on. Even if you’re trying to be balanced, objective, or not look like a fanboy, you cannot rewrite history.
** It’s not a good sign when a paragraph begins with “Worse…”



  1. Yes, yes, yes… exactly the problem. I get so weary (when I’m not angry) at things coming at me from every angle that lock the screen until I can find the X button! A very well-worded description of the problem. Yikes… do they really think anyone will want the product (or whatever) after having been bombarded when they don’t want to be?

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